The room was deathly silent. Sarah had a dreadful feeling that something
was horribly wrong. Her heart was pounding. The technician refrained from
giving eye contact and quickly called her supervisor to confirm her observations.
Sarah was then told what she already feared. I am so sorry to relate that we do
not detect a heartbeat.; A devastated Sarah had to deliver her baby and say a
final good bye. She left the hospital with a memory box in lieu of her princess.
Her world fell apart. How would she have the strength and frame of mind to care
for her young children at home? How would she be able to go on as before? What
was happening? Why am I being punished? t; she cried. Blame, guilt, anger,
jealousy, and unbearable pain consumed Sarah.
In efforts to console her, Sarah was told by family members and friends “It’s a
blessing in disguise; the baby probably wouldn’t have been well. You have other
beautiful children. You’ll have many more.&; Although well intentioned, none of
these words brought comfort to Sarah. From her perspective, she had lost a child;
a whole universe. Gone forever was the baby she had carried for six months.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross addresses the nonlinear process of grieving which
encompasses denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. It is
crucial to have the needed time and space for the loss. Once we allow ourselves
to feel, then we can ultimately heal. Sarah mourned for her lost baby. She sought
guidance from caring and capable therapists. She was given empathy from other
women who had endured the same tragedy. Slowly, slowly, she began to recover.
Sarah was eventually blessed with a healthy child. She has come to accept that
this was her fate. She believes in G-d and His plan. Grateful for her lot, Sarah is
now able to move forward.
Life is a journey laden with joy and sorrow; with expectations and
disappointments. Many of us experience losses: the loss of a loved one; the loss of
health; the loss of a job; the loss an envisioned future; the loss of a home; the list
goes on. Women who suffer the loss of an unborn child may require professional
help to be able to see the light at the end of a dark, dismal tunnel. At first these
women may prefer to remain at home alone with immediate family and may not
be ready to engage in conversation with friends. They may not be in a position to
listen. Depending on their disposition and on the provision of effective support,
the impact of what they have endured will hopefully lessen. With the passing of
time and with new positive experiences, they will eventually reach the stage of
acceptance. Although the pain many never disappear, these women will have
acquired the inner strength and cautious optimism to start life anew.